Tuesday, March 4, 2014

How to Heal Yourself from a Breakup (chocolates, tears and love-dovey movies)

Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Break up is hard to do. Being the breakee is even harder because you go through this assorted emotions that throws you all over the place when you wake up, when you go to work, and when you go to sleep at night. You walk around aimlessly and because you are used to how things are, suddenly you are forced to change your lifestyle, your plans, your routines; now you just don't know what to do, and eventually even that makes it harder for you and wail like a child.

Sounds familiar?

I am sure being the breaker is also harder, to make that sort of decision. If not now hard, eventually in the long run, it comes back again that gnawing feeling.

I am not going through a break up, in case you are wondering. Justin and I have been together for more than 7 years and basically, after going through our fair share of insane roller coaster rides, we are now inseparable through good times and bad times.

I am only writing this because I came to know recently a dear friend is going through a downswing. And I feel compelled about her situation and eagerly want to help her with what I know and what has worked for me.

First things first, when it comes to healing from a break up, I don't believe in rebound, I don't believe in escapism and going out drinking until you puke your brains out and I certainly don't believe in avoiding or ignoring the mourning period.

I talk as though it is about getting over death or something...

I think it kinda is except Love doesn't die. It just evolves. And that is something very important for us girls (or guy, whoever the breakee or breaker is) to understand. It is NOT possible for Love to die. It grows, it changes, it evolves.

When I experienced my own downswing in my relationship, I was very young, very naive and only recognized the pain instead of gain. I couldn't see the good in anything and that made it harder for me to heal myself. After several hurtful moments, eventually I grew and by the time I was in another round of turmoil, I decided to heal. It was then I realized that I never believed in giving myself a chance to heal, no matter what the situation was. Once I decided to heal, it was as if my body and soul starter to cooperate and I just knew what to do, no matter how painful each day was. When the healing phase was over, my relationship also healed; although I never forgot the journey I went through to get to where I was. So looking back, I realized that it was as if I was following a guidebook on what I needed to do each day to help me get by. I think my soul was my guidebook because of the decision I made to heal, and my body just listened and followed through.

So when my dear friend came to me to break the news, I saw myself in her: not of the same situation but as a woman to another young woman; I feel her. My methods in healing are pretty simple, though it might not appeal to some because there is always a sense of laziness to move your ass when you are feeling as if the whole world has crumbled on you. But after going experiencing all kinds of life's obstacles (though I have not face the most challenging one yet), I matured and started to realize that problems are not the end of the world. Any problems are solvable, unless you are at gun point about to be shot to dead.

I don't know if any of you who are reading this might be going through a break up coincidentally, or just broke up or just moved on; or perhaps you have a friend, sibling or a relative that is facing the same thing. But no matter how long or short a relationship maybe, there are always ways to get yourself together and start living life. That's the most important step to take, start living life. So here are some VERY BASIC pointers to start living again:

1. Yes it is hard. If its less than a year relationship, give yourself 3 days to mourn, 4 at the most. If it is more than a year, give yourself 2-3 weeks to mourn. Mourn as if someone just died. Cry as much as you want. Be alone and do some thinking, you deserve your own space.

2. Done with your mourning? Now it is time to get up, get out of your pajamas. Sit down

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